Sunday, November 09, 2008

The Rest of the Story

I was at a meeting the week before last and a man that I see only about 4 times a year expressed his delight for our family that we would be adding one more in just two months. Before we departed he wished me good luck with the delivery. Then, embarrassed I think, retracted that, wishing me well.
I corrected him and said that, no , wishing me good luck was the fitting thing to do. I briefly recounted Roslyn Girl's delivery. It's amazing how much pain you can throw into so few words, especially when that pain isn't a part of you anymore: she was breach, delivered by C-section, aspirated meconium in the womb, and spent three days in the NICU. He tentatively asked, but it won't be natural this time, and wondered if that would be disappointing. I confirmed that it would be a C-section, but that it wasn't disappointing (especially since the idea of experiencing Hard Labor for the first time at 33 was not on my top 10 lists of things to accomplish before I die).

This time around, I told him, a safe delivery and a healthy baby is all that's important: 10 toes, 10 fingers, and one head, with something in it.

I post about this because I have been very cagey up to this point about telling people that this baby will be a C-section. I think it's been because I dreaded people's reactions. The first time around, when we knew I might have to be induced (something that obviously ended up not happening), the few people outside of family who were privy to this passed judgment on the fact. Oh the number of arm-chair obstetricians who wanted to question the wisdom of my very accomplished real obstetrician was remarkable, especially since they were expressing all of these doubts to a very pregnant woman. I feared that people wouldn't know how to hold their tongue ... again.
But, now, with less than two months to go, I don't have time for people's petty, personal battles (because I have since decided that such expressions of distaste on my behalf actually have very little to do with me and my experience). So, yes, this baby will be delivered by C-Section and, if last time is anything to judge by, I'm in for a relatively easy convalescence. I do know the exact date of the C-Section, but it's already changed once before and, in all honesty, I prefer to sit on that in case it changes again.
So I continue to tell people I'm due on January 9, but I'll start adding that this baby will be delivered by C-Section by the same physician who brought Roslyn into this world and has seen me (so far, touch wood) through two pregnancies quite safely.

1 comment:

Tamara said...

Good for you. I've had two vaginal deliveries and was so disappointed when Abby was transverse and I had to have a c/s. I tried to VBAC with both my last two babies and ended up getting cut again. This last time I hired a doula, saw a OB and a midwife, and drove an hour to downtown Dallas for every appt (it was the only hospital that allows VBA2C). And still ended up having a c/s.

What was a huge blessing to me was planning a birth plan even though I was not having the waterbirth I wanted. I discussed with the OB exactly what I wanted (arms not tied down, baby to stay with me and nurse in recovery, etc). I felt so much more in control than I did after Abby's birth (33 wks, NICU) and Luke's birth (PIH, separated for hours, supplemented with formula). It was still a c/s, but it was on my terms.

If we are blessed with another baby I will be birthing by c/s, and I'm okay with it. People are nosy and think that new and expecting moms need/want their opinions. I've learned to just say, "Thanks for sharing. I'll keep that in mind." And then refuse to discuss further.

My friends recently have been giving me grief about weaning Gabe so soon (12 months). But it was a decision my doctor, my dh and I made with my health in mind. And, NONE of their business.

Somedays I long for the olden days where talking about such things was impolite. At least you wouldn't have to hear someone potificate on parenting/birth choices unasked.

Blessings on your new little one and your family. I thought waiting to find out gender made the c/s seem more like a vag birth. Gave me something more to look forward to. (We peeked with our first four and were surprised with Gabriel.)

Okay, way too long. I'll shush now.

Give Jason and your precious little cutie a squeeze for me!