You know the sentiment that the journey is the worthier part of the experience and the destination is only the result?
Yeah, that's kind of crap.
I think people tend to say that when the journey is a sheltered, clearly marked path through a picturesque forest full of fluffy bunnies and chirping birdsong. It's like saying life won't give you more than you can handle. Of course it will; to say otherwise is a way we buck our selves up in the long, dark teatime of the soul.
The journey is hard and fraught with danger and unpleasant realizations about yourself and the ones you love and, if you're very fortunate and life hasn't given you more than you can handle, then you will justify the means to the end and there will eventually be an end.
But it doesn't make sense to me to romanticize the journey while you're living it and every damn day is a struggle to see to the horizon.
I made an important decision about my journey this week, which is namely that I've got more than I can handle and more than my family and friends can support me with. If I am going to be the person I want to claim, then I have to act in that person's best interest.
I love my family and I love my kids and I want to be better with them, but what I really want is the bit of me back that I want to claim and that I know. I have buried her under this tumult of crisis and emotion and I need her to come back and lead the dance.